Honesty.

Let's have a moment of truth.

I have bipolar. Yep. I do. Lucky me.

But I also have crossfit. And in the two months since I got diagnosed, and in the six months since my symptoms surfaced, nothing has kept me focused, grounded and feeling like me, like CrossFit has been able to. No matter how much I'm swinging between happy and sad, how out of control the world seems to be spinning, I get to the box, see the workout on the board, and all that matters is getting through it in the least amount of time possible. That kind of focus is invaluable.

I know to the rest of the world it looks like I'm off the rails right now, but without Coach Trev and Coach Angela things would be in a completely worse place. A place that I don't even want to think about....

I have a goal. I have new friends. I have a purpose. And for someone in the position I'm in, where everyday it's a struggle to get out of bed, where every tiny thing is like the world crushing in on me, where I can't remember why it is that I keep on going; you just can't underestimate how incredibly valuable that is. While running is like my family, CrossFit has my heart. When I run the troubles of the world, the issues all become more apparent because they tick around in my head with every step. With CrossFit all I care about is executing each move perfectly so that I don't hear the words "No Rep!" yelled out across the box.

I like to think that eventually I'm going to be ok. My psych, my GP and my coaches tell me I will be. I want to believe them. My trigger is a man who doesn't love me, but who along the way also became my best friend, so it's going to be an uphill battle, but I guess if I look at my life journey so far and what I got through without the supports I have now (including the very special people - Rachael, Jennah, Liz, Lana, and Kristina) it's not going to be a quick climb, but I will conquer this hill.

But when I lose sight of the road. If I lose track of what's important and what's not, you can call 'No Rep'. I promise to hear it and I promise to correct my form. But I need you to keep looking out for me... Please...