I've been on leave from work for the Christmas break. It wasn't a planned break, so unfortunately Todd is working but it's been nice to have some downtime. I have to say that I'm more than a little proud of myself. I've exercised nearly every day since I took leave. I'm not feeling too flash though. As every normal person does, I've gone a little silly over the Christmas period with food... I've only had two glasses of alcohol, but food... I'd be much too ashamed to tell you what I've eaten.
So, while I'm proud of myself I'm also incredibly disappointed in myself as it means I'm not getting to enjoy the great feeling of achievement. Instead I keep looking at my stomach wondering if it's growing and knowing that although I've been doing loads of cardio my triceps are getting sloppier from neglecting the weights.
Sigh. Self-sabotage is an emotionally draining and destructive thing. If only we knew we were doing it.
It is an interesting concept though. How can we think that this goal that we set is the most important thing in the world to us, yet we will do anything we can to prevent it from happening?Is it a lack of self-worth? Likely. A feeling on not being worthy of the reward? Of course. But why?? Why is it that I will do anything humanly possible to stop myself from achieving the one thing that I think will help to complete me? Hmmm...
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